Lighten Up

So the past few weeks have been stressful and difficult.  But I'm thinking today that I really need to lighten up on myself, like a lot. 

My family is the majority of my stressors, unfortunately there is no way to avoid your family.  Unless I disappered or something, which I'm not going to do.  My Mom is about to move to Colorado and she is the only person who helps me out with the kids....so I think that's really bothering me even though I don't really let it show.  And when I say she helps with my kids, she does but only on rare occasions.

I was thinking about this the other day, Kyla is 4 in a week or so and in those 4 years, I've only ever been away from my kids for 5 nights and 2 of those I was in the hospital GIVING BIRTH to one of them.  Holy moly!  Can't a girl get a little help around here?  Apparently no.  Now that my Mom is moving I'm going to have to find someone to hire to help me for doctor's appointments and it would be really awesome if I could find someone I trusted to watch the kids so that my Husband and I could actually go out everyonce in a while and have a date!

I also heard from Hanger Prosthetics earlier this week that after being told that Kyla's prosthetic was going to be covered at 100% it is only covered at 80% so our out of pocket is approximately $1600.  I was pissed and really sad at the same time.  It blows my mind that all these people who don't really need benefits get benefits and Kyla who was born with 1/2 an arm doesn't get anything.  Makes sense right...and this $1600 prosthetic will only last a few years till she grows out of it.  Perfect.  But then lastnight I got a phone call from the prosthetist at almost 7 PM and he was saying that he doesn't want me to give up that there are lots of options for her to help pay for it, etc.  He's a pretty cool guy and like 5 minutes from our house, we don't have to travel!!  He seems to really care about my kid which is awesome. 

I spent 4 hours this morning watching a friend's kid in addition to my own 2 so I'm beat. 

I need to stop being so negative and focus on the good....  I'm 30, I've got two beautiful children, I've got a good, hard working Husband, we are coming up on our 7 year wedding anniversary in just a few weeks, I've got 12 years work experience with the Department of Energy, I've got an Associate's Degree and about a year away from a Bachelor's degree (that I don't plan to ever finish :)), we own 3 residences, two of which are rentals, 1 is our residence (which is large enough for our family and pretty nice), we have almost no debt (besides our homes and one credit card), CBC just posted on their website they are considering starting a Bachlor's in Diagnostic Ultrasound in 2015 (I'm there if they do...going to schedule an appt with counselor soon to be sure I'm ready to go the first year they start this program)............ my Husband is employed with 3 different companies, 1 of which is a City and another is a County, another is a friend's business....which are all very good jobs.  My Mom has just recently asked us to be the property manager for her property, which what she is paying us to do this will more than cover Kyla's monthly tuition for her Preschool (relieves some stress)...her Preschool isn't cheap.

Kids cost A LOT of money, be prepared people.  Oh yeah and kids are A LOT of work....  so glad I had my first when I was 26 and am not just now starting!!!

Since my Husband works so much I pretty much function as a single Mom.  I go nuts from time to time with no help, no breaks, running around town, doing errands, planning events, taking kids to doctor's appointments, etc.  but I'm doing it and I just need to focus on the good more and less on the bad and frustrating.

Oh and I've also applied for a business license and decided to actually pursue doing photography more.  I really do like doing it, it's fun.  I've always been artistic and so when I'm not doing it so much like I have been, I miss it.  I changed my business name, built myself a website and have two different people scheduled for this next month, so we will see....I'm ready to get out of this house more and do something.  Check it out if you want, www.portraitsbyamber.com view it on the web, the mobile version is not that pretty.

Adios!

Few Pics of me With Crazy Kyla

These are my stay at home mom hardly any makeup photos. LOL I hardly ever share photos so I figured I would post a few. 

Two Cutest Turds on the Planet

Sharing snacks, best buds. Love them!!!

Video & Photos

THE VERSE I PLAN TO TATTOO ON MY LEFT INSIDE ARM, RIGHT WHERE KYLA'S ENDS.  I LOVE THIS, JEREMIAH 1:5....SO PERFECT.  I PLAN TO HAVE ASHLEY AT SUPER GENIUS TATTOO IN SEATTLE DO THIS FOR ME SINCE I AM A TATTOO FREE GIRL (AS OF NOW) AND SUPER PICKY.  SHE SEEMS TO DO AMAZING WORK.

 

Recent Trips

We have been back from Seattle Children's visit for a few weeks now.  It went great but was cut short by Miss Emma and her attitude (tiredness).  We did get to spend a few hours at the event and Kyla got to attempt to climb a very tall rock wall.  There were no other kids there that were just like her (left arm below elbow amputation) but there were a lot of kids with prosthetic legs.  It was kinda odd and I was a bit surprised, but it was still good.  There was a police officer (male adult) who came to visit the kids who had an arm amputation and had quite a bit less of his arm than Kyla.  Kyla was pretty surprised by him and was kind of standoffish and rude (I tried to snap that out of her real quickly but she is 3 years old....I think that kinda comes with the age).  Overall the trip was worth it.  We did do a lot of driving, stayed at my Aunt and Uncle's newest built house in Tacoma and drove to Seattle to visit Woodland Park Zoo on Saturday which was a great zoo.  I also had never been to Kerry Park before and really wanted to go.  It was such an amazing view, I wish we could've spent some time there but we had 2 passed out kids in the back.

So I'm sure we will be making the trip to Seattle Children's annual Social an annual thing :)

Life has been so weird lately.  I find myself thinking a lot lately and that's never good.  :P  I bet those of you who have read this blog off and on from the start probably think I'm crazy.  I'm not really, I just analyze my life quite a bit.  So I'm going to try to keep analyzing a little bit more and hopefully figure some things out.  :)  I just think it's funny how everyone has a story and their stories don't always match up... everyone is always at constant stages of their lives and those stages are always changing.  I try to focus on the big picture and not get myself caught up with emotion because in all honesty my emotions don't matter so much, I got two little babies that are my most important.  I think hitting 30 was a bit of an eye opener for me. 

Speaking of those two little babies, this past Thursday I took Kyla to her first appointment at Hanger Prosthetics here in town.  She has asked for a new prosthetic and we are going to get her one.  I will be getting her registered for ballet classes soon and I want her to be able to do all of the arm formations just as everyone else.  I also talked to the guy about getting her a hand so that she can start to learn how to ride a big girl bike or scooter.  Kyla has been wearing her old prosthetic around the house quite a bit.  She likes it, which is a change from what it had been when she was younger.  The guy at Hanger described the prosthetic he will make her and it sounds like it will be so much better and easier and more functional than her infant one.  So that makes me pretty excited.

We spent this past weekend at a friend's cabin in the middle of no where, Hunters, WA.  It was fun to get out of town for a bit.  Kyla was hanging out with our friend's kids walking around shooting grasshoppers with BB guns, it was actually pretty cute, as cute as that can be.

We bought Kyla a trampoline yesterday, her and I have been hanging out on it today and last night.

I'll upload some pics from our Seattle trip and recent happenings.  Take care.

Amber

Update

I haven't done an update in a while...once again.  :)  Too many things going on all the time. 

Emma has turned 1!  I can't believe how fast the time has gone.  We had a rainbow themed party for her.  It was very cute.

Kyla has her first Limb Differences Social at the end of this month at Seattle Children's Hospital.  We are preparing to go now and will be there for a few days to make a mini vacation out of the trip.

I am seriously considering making a move to Tacoma for a bit with the girls.  Tacoma Community College has an Ultrasound program that I would really love to apply to.  It will be extremely difficult to manage everything.  I'm not sure I can pull it off...I mean I know I can but it's going to be SO hard.  Taking care of the kids is a lot of work and then going to school full time, trying to study, etc., will be a lot.  So lots of things to consider but I want to do something with my life... I do enjoy being with my girls but I also feel like I need to secure a future for myself and them.  What is something were to happen to Greg, I wouldn't be able to support the girls and myself by myself...as of right now.  So I don't know, my brain is constantly thinking about what is best.  I did think about just making trips home on weekends to be with the fam but I don't think that's acceptable as a Mom.  I couldn't do it, I would probably be miserable and cry everyday missing my babies.  I would have to take them with.

Anyhow, will post following the Limb Differences Social and give an update on how it went.  I'm sorta nervous but also excited for Kyla, she is excited already, so that is definately good. 

Swimming Lessons

Well we are finished with swimming lessons, finished up this past Wednesday.  Not to be a Debbie Downer but they did not go as good as expected.  For 1, my kid still doesn't know how to swim and 2, my kid almost drown last Monday.  It was scray.  Kyla is just to the point now where she is comfortable enough in the water to drown. 

So to make a long story shorter, Kyla had been practicing with her swim instructor on going under the water to get toys off the bottom of the pool.   Her instructor then put her back by the stairs and left her on the stairs while she practiced swimming at the opposite end of the pool with my Niece.  I was watching Kyla, had Emma sitting on my lap, and my Mom sat in the chair next to me (she or my Dad take my Niece to lessons). 

I noticed Kyla had gone under water and was attempting to get back up to the top.  I watched her try to kick off the bottom of the pool two times to get to the top before I realized she was in big trouble.  I saw that each time she tried to kick up she would kick herself diagonally backwards and only got to about 2" from the top of the water each time.  Her eyes were open under water the whole time and were super big, like she was panicked, which panicked me.  I stood up and ran to her with Emma, knowing that I couldn't sit Emma down around the pool (she just started walking just over a week ago).  I yelled her name, yelled "somebody grab her!" which only got me looks like I was crazy from all 5 instructors who were in the water with her and the kids they were instructing.  Thank God my Mom had ran over with me and reached down to pull Kyla up out of the water.  By the time we got to her she had tried to get to the top another 2 times.  I am so thankful she held her breathe the whole time and did not fill her lungs up with water.  It could've been really horrible if she had.  If I didn't have Emma on my lap, I'm sure I would've jumped in the pool, fully clothed to pull her up.  It was terrifying watching her struggle.

Anyway Kyla's instructor then swam back to where we were and asked "is she OK" I kind of loudly said "NO she is not OK" (like, you should know if she is OK or isn't OK, it's kind of your job...) and then was so upset about the whole thing began to cry.  LOL.  I couldn't help myself, that look on her face was so scary!  Even that night I couldn't sleep well because I kept playing it back in my head, the look on her face, etc.

Anyway the instructor never came to talk to me after this...and I was not in the right mind to talk to her either really....I did look for her but she was no longer by the pool, I'm not sure where she went.  I just wanted to go home and like calm down.  Which we did.  The next day I called and left a message for the owner of the place and I got a phone call back late that night.  We talked for about 20 minutes and he assumed to know exactly what had happened, what went wrong, who messed up, yadda yadda yadda.  Which I was surprised by.

To sum it up, her instructor had left toys on the bottom of the pool right where Kyla was left to wait.  Well naturally a 3 year old who had just been practicing going under the water to grab toys is going to continue to do just that, if toys are left out right below her feet..  So she did and it did not work out well for her. 

The owner offered Kyla 2nd session private lessons with this gal to kind of regain her confidence, etc.  I thought about it, but don't think we are going to take them up on it.  We went to our last lesson the following Wednesday and to be honest, the people who were supposed to be watching from the deck were not watching the entire time like they are supposed to, even after this insident and supposed safety meetings, etc. that the owner told me about.  These are just kids who are very young and to be honest probably don't take their job serious enough.  Swimming lessons are for kids who do not know how to swim, so you cannot take your eye off of them at any point and you cannot turn your back on them, which is what happened in Kyla's scare.  Her instructor just had no idea what was going on, only myself and my Mom saw and thank God we did!! 

Soooo I was pretty bummed her first activity was not real successful.  Luckily my Husband used to be an instructor and lifeguard and he can probably teach her better than these kids can and I know she will be safe!  We have two neighbors close who both have pools and have offered for us to use them, so we will probably work on it more at home soon. 

It is important for Kyla to know how to swim because we have a boat and I want her to be safe out on the water if at any point something goes wrong or we are just hanging out on the beach somewhere. 

"Mom I Wish I had Two Hands"

It happened, yesterday...I heard the words I always dreaded hearing.  But you know what...it wasn't too bad, at all.... surprisingly.

When Kyla was younger I would cry just thinking about her one day saying those words to me.  But yesterday, it was such an easy conversation. 

I said something like "yeah...well I'm sure lots of other people could say similar things, like "I wish my skin wasn't black and was white, I wish I had blue eyes and not brown, I wish I had straight hair and not curly"  I also reminded her that God chose to make her special, that he didn't chose me or her Daddy to make special and that he chose her specifically.  I also told her that she isn't the only one he chose to make like her, that there are lots of other people in the world with armies and reminded her of all of the pictures we have seen on the Internet and "my phone" of kids and people that are just like her.  Conversation was over in probably 2 or 3 minutes.  Easy. 

Kyla has become really good friends with our new neighbor girl.  She is actually in the same class as Kyla's cousin and Kyla's cousin had previously shared with her class about Kyla...not sure why, but she did, so this girl has never treated her differently or even asked about her arm, pretty cool.  Kyla now pretty much lives outside, playing with her "friend named Nora." 

Side note:  Kyla's Auntie and Uncle are half Caucasian/half African American, so I find myself using skin color difference and reminding her about her Auntie Amanda and Uncle Peter often, it helps because it's people she LOVES that also have a difference, skin difference.

Then to top it off yesterday night I found Kyla poking at her eyeballs real hard and saying that she "likes doing that."  I yelled at her to stop and told her that she was going to make herself go blind and never be able to see again.  She was shocked.  So I explained to her that some people are born not being able to see.  Holy cow!!  No way.  LOL.

Anyway, Kyla starts swimming lessons tomorrow.  She is taking them at the same place both her Dad and I learned to swim, a small business swimming school that has been around forever...as her Dad is 34 years old and I am 30 :)

I signed her up for semi-private lessons which is 2 students to 1 instructor.  She will go for 3 weeks and is taking the class with her cousin who is quite a bit older than her, but she doesn't know how to swim, so I think they will do well together.  I did explain her limb difference to the gal who runs the place and she was super friendly, really nice and said she had, had a student about 6 years ago with a similar limb difference. 

So other than Preschool this is Kyla's first "activity."  I'm pretty excited.  I just about signed her up for YMCA soccer a couple weeks ago but her Dad talked me out of it, thought she was a little too young still, so we are going to wait a bit.  I kind of now wish I did since she's been out of preschool for about 3 weeks and is driving me nuts!!!  Oh the life of a stay-at-home Mom.  Try to post swimming lesson pics/results soon.

Hope all is well.

Current Photo of Kyla

Here is a current photo of Kyla that I just took a few days ago.  It's been so long since I've posted her picture, thought I would put a new one up!!  The girl's got wild curly hair, that almost can't be tamed.  :)

May 2013

Hi all,

It's been so long since I've done an update.  Life has been crazy hectic.  We finally moved into our new home and have been here for about 2 1/2 weeks now.  We spent very long nights working on getting the girls' rooms done up for them and then getting our rental ready to rent out.  We are still in the process of finding another tenant for one side of our duplex, but we should have that all wrapped up shortly.

By long nights, I mean the longest night was working till 4 AM and then up again in the morning for work (Greg) and babies (me).  So exhausting.  I was so lucky my baby monitor worked in both houses, otherwise I'm not sure we could've got it all done. 

I did have a reader email me a few weeks ago saying she enjoyed reading my blog.  So nice to hear, I'm sorry I don't  update it near as much as I used to, or with as much relevant information as I should (re: Kyla and her ABS).  I am struggling just to stay afloat most days, so forgive me.  The lady I received the email from has twin boys, one of whom was affected by ABS.  They are just starting to go through the process of having a prosthetic made for him.  Very cool. 

Kyla has been doing so well, she is making new friends with the neighbors at our new house.  It is nice to see other kids being so welcoming to her.  I took her and Emma on a school field trip for Kyla last Friday and to watch Kyla with her classmates was very reassuring.  I know she won't have any problems in school, she is so friendly and has such a warm heart, she was holding hands with a little girl a lot of the time and they were twirling around and dancing, so cute and nice for me to see. 

Kyla is really wanting to do ballet.  I just checked into an Angelina Ballerina summer camp class for her, but they are only 1 week long and spendy.  I figure I will wait until next Fall and just enroll her in the semester long classes which last 5 months, that way she has much more time to become friends with the other kids that are in her class...I think it would probably take 1 week just for the kids to become open to her and want to interact and get to know her, so I'm not sure the summer camps would be the best choice. 

Anyhow, must get going again, lots to do.  Thanks everyone for continuing to check my blog.  Take care,

Amber (Kyla's Mom :))