Doctor's, and More Doctors.

Took the girl's to the doctor earlier today.  Left pretty upset....  totally got unexpected questions from the doctor as to what everyday needs can't Kyla do that justify her prosthetic.  I gave the doctor about five different examples but she kept pressing for more, so I explained to her about her bike and her scooter and ballet.  Those things aren't "necessary" according to the doctor.  I said, well as far as I'm concerned they are, because they allow her to function just as any other little girl her age does.  It was just out of no where unexpected....her doctor is usually so nice but was really pretty rude how she treated us today.  I was pissed and she could tell I think...I was almost to the point where I grabbed the girls and walked out, but I didn't.  I explained to the doctor, I've never really been around other 4 year old children, I don't know what things she should be able to do at the age of 4 that she can't do.  Kyla still needs help putting her clothes on, and apparently at 4, kids should be able to do that, according to the doctor.  When I told her this, she didn't look at me but shook her head at me....  well sorry lady but it's the truth, I've never really been around kids, except for 1 niece and she isn't 4.  LOL.....so I left there a little upset but then also sad....I find that the only time I cry, ever, is when is comes to Kyla and the difficulties that we have to go thru with her doctor's/insurance/kids not being so nice.  It is surely difficult parenting a child with differences, especially when that child isn't treated (by doctors/etc.) like she is different, when clearly she is.  I called my Husband on the way home and I just explained to him I don't understand why this prosthetic thing is so difficult when it really shouldn't be!  I think it's a combo of everyone who shouldn't receive benefits receiving them and people abusing the system that really have no right to be abusing.  I just find it shocking that we are even having to "fight" for this.  And like I explained to my Husband, it's difficult because I am always the one who sees this, since my Husband works so much he doesn't see the random kids in the hallway at preschool stop and yell "look, she doesn't have an arm!"  (we had this same thing happen twice in one day while doing drop off/pick ups at preschool last week) and he doesn't see the interactions that I deal with as far as doctors and insurance companies.  Ugh, it is hard..... but I do realize that we are lucky in that we do have it fairly easy, things could be a whole lot worse. 


Anyhow, Kyla has been loving school.  I just went thru my cell phone and deleted probably 50 pictures that she had taken her self, of random things, like the floor, her shoes, the walls, Emma, me, her Dad....  lol, she's into pictures lately.  And she makes you say cheese every time she takes a picture of you.  I'll attach a few she has taken. 

I've been doing more photography lately, I had a senior 2 weekends ago that turned out awesome, she is super pretty and her pictures just turned out really well....then I had a sibling shoot on Saturday that I was nervous for...I've never shot boys, so as far as posing, it was new to me, and there were 3 of them, including 2 teenage boys...yikes....they were not really into the whole taking pictures thing :)  and a younger boy and younger girl.  They turned out good but I wish I could've shot later in the day due to the bright lighting...but we had a schedule conflict.  Then Sunday I was supposed to shoot a child that is also a friend of ours but we had to reschedule due to rain.  It has been fun.  I've had some random people contact me and also a lady asking  me to do a booth at an event thing that is going on - I declined that...I'm definitely not ready for something like that.  But maybe someday. 

Anyhow here is Kyla's photography work for your enjoyment :)

Yes, she makes me turn around and say cheese while driving (I'll do it sometimes...).

4 Years

Kyla Rae turned 4 years old September 5th!  Can't believe it has already been 4 years.  I remember her being born like it was yesterday.  Not being able to sleep the night before my c-section, the drive to the hospital with my Hubs where I told him specifically that "I feel like something's not going to be right with her" (thank you God for giving me the motherly intuition to know that we were going to have a special girl before we even got her...amazing), being so nervous before the c-section that I had to have our delivery nurse fill out my paperwork for me.  LOL why in the world do they hand women like 12 pages worth of paperwork to fill out right before they are going to have a baby cut out of them?!?  I also remember the lady who came while we were waiting for the c-section, she came to draw my blood to test if I was anemic and she was deaf!  LOL and we didn't know she was deaf.  hahaha.  So I'm sitting there trying to make small talk with the lady while she is drawing my blood just kinda to relax a bit, because I am not a huge fan of having my blood drawn and she wouldn't respond to me.  Hahahaha so I remember trying to get her to talk a few times before I finally looked over at my Husband, like "what the heck...what is wrong with this lady."  After she left we asked the other nurses what was up with that lady and they told us she was deaf...oh thanks for the FYI.  Another very special thing about Kyla that I have talked about before, but it's been years; she was born 9/5/09 at 9:59 am.  Makes it very easy to remember...  And because I'm weird, I think that's another little sign from God, that yes I gave you this special little girl and made her special on purpose!!! 

We had Kyla's birthday party the previous weekend at a splash & play park here in town and it was a lot of fun.  Between Greg and I's family and friends there is about 30 of us, so it's always a large gathering.  Kyla had school on her birthday and took cupcakes to share with her friends.  She got a scooter and big girl bicycle with training wheels, both of which she has learned to ride well and very quickly.  We went out to dinner at Red Robin the evening of her birthday, which has become a tradition for her.  She told us she wanted them to sing to her which they did and as soon as they started she got shy and snuggled up real close to me.  :) 

Something that I wanted to mention.....I took Kyla and Emma to the park on Monday, which we do go to the park from time to time but not a ton.  The reason being is because it is always SO awkward.  Kids just stop playing and either surround her and stare, or get away from her and stare and don't play.  Kyla doesn't really even notice - she just plays but the kids, myself and their parents certainly notice.  It's kind of ridiculous but usually I drive around some to try to find a park that doesn't have a bunch of kids already at it.  Isn't that dumb?  I know it is but it really sucks having my kid be stared at like she is an alien or something; not only by the kids but also their parents.  Sometimes it just blows my mind how rude people are.

I mean, I grew up going to a school that had a special area for kids that were special needs.  Granted most of these kids had Down Syndrome, mental retardation, Tourettes, etc. more of what you think of when you think of "special needs."  But we did have a girl there who was born with only a portion of all 4 limbs...and she had like maybe 1 or two fingers.  She got around on a motorized wheelchair... and besides her limb differences she was completely normal.  I remember the way she was treated and I don't ever remember people treating her badly or like she was a freak or something......I don't really get that....Monday when we were at the park I just sit back and watch to make sure Kyla isn't being treated badly, because if she is, I start yelling at some kids.  LOL.  Like I will put up with some of it, but there comes a point where kids need to be told to just leave her alone and I have no problem doing that, regardless if their parents hear me or not.  I don't remember if I have written about this before or not >>> if I have, forgive me.  Anyway on Monday there was a Russian or Bosnia, (or they were something) family that showed up to the park and they were nice enough and didn't say anything but the looks weren't great.  The kids really didn't play at all and eventually left the park, but literally I feel like now I know what it was like to be like African American several years ago before people's ideas changed about skin color.  These Russian/Bosnian kids were talking to Emma and saying hi to her and "you're so cute" but none of them said a word to Kyla.  LOL.  I didn't say anything.  So because one of my kids has two hands she is cute, and the other who has 1 hand isn't cute?  Makes sense.  This park that we were at is close to our house and usually has 1 or 2 people there and that's it, so it's kind of our "go-to" park.

I find people's reaction to something so not a big deal really surprising....  I mean nobody chooses the children they will have...we just get what we get....it's not like I had a choice 'oh yes please, make my child with half an arm.'  Doesn't work like that.  Never in a million years did I ever think I would have a "special needs" child.  No one ever thinks that.  It just happens and as a loving parent you have to be willing to embrace that your child is the way they are.  I just don't get why it's such a big deal to some people.  Granted, I would say to most people, it's not a big deal, thank goodness for that.  

I almost forgot we had another appt with Brock at Hanger Prosthetics last week and Kyla's prosthetic is coming along so well.  It is going to be really exciting when we actually get to take it home.  This guy is good at what he does, pretty resourceful and tailoring it specifically to her needs to make it as comfortable and useful for her as possible.  We went to pick out fabrics for it last week and Kyla of course picked out the fabric she liked and I picked the fabric I liked.  Kyla's fabric will probably win.
 

Kyla Goes Back to Preschool

Kyla is now in the 4 year old class at preschool. We went to meet her teachers and get familiar with her classroom yesterday and today was her first day of school. She did awesome, she is fairly outgoing and not shy, which I love. I hope she stays that way. Here are a few quick pics I snapped while holding baby so they weren't the best :)

Lighten Up

So the past few weeks have been stressful and difficult.  But I'm thinking today that I really need to lighten up on myself, like a lot. 

My family is the majority of my stressors, unfortunately there is no way to avoid your family.  Unless I disappered or something, which I'm not going to do.  My Mom is about to move to Colorado and she is the only person who helps me out with the kids....so I think that's really bothering me even though I don't really let it show.  And when I say she helps with my kids, she does but only on rare occasions.

I was thinking about this the other day, Kyla is 4 in a week or so and in those 4 years, I've only ever been away from my kids for 5 nights and 2 of those I was in the hospital GIVING BIRTH to one of them.  Holy moly!  Can't a girl get a little help around here?  Apparently no.  Now that my Mom is moving I'm going to have to find someone to hire to help me for doctor's appointments and it would be really awesome if I could find someone I trusted to watch the kids so that my Husband and I could actually go out everyonce in a while and have a date!

I also heard from Hanger Prosthetics earlier this week that after being told that Kyla's prosthetic was going to be covered at 100% it is only covered at 80% so our out of pocket is approximately $1600.  I was pissed and really sad at the same time.  It blows my mind that all these people who don't really need benefits get benefits and Kyla who was born with 1/2 an arm doesn't get anything.  Makes sense right...and this $1600 prosthetic will only last a few years till she grows out of it.  Perfect.  But then lastnight I got a phone call from the prosthetist at almost 7 PM and he was saying that he doesn't want me to give up that there are lots of options for her to help pay for it, etc.  He's a pretty cool guy and like 5 minutes from our house, we don't have to travel!!  He seems to really care about my kid which is awesome. 

I spent 4 hours this morning watching a friend's kid in addition to my own 2 so I'm beat. 

I need to stop being so negative and focus on the good....  I'm 30, I've got two beautiful children, I've got a good, hard working Husband, we are coming up on our 7 year wedding anniversary in just a few weeks, I've got 12 years work experience with the Department of Energy, I've got an Associate's Degree and about a year away from a Bachelor's degree (that I don't plan to ever finish :)), we own 3 residences, two of which are rentals, 1 is our residence (which is large enough for our family and pretty nice), we have almost no debt (besides our homes and one credit card), CBC just posted on their website they are considering starting a Bachlor's in Diagnostic Ultrasound in 2015 (I'm there if they do...going to schedule an appt with counselor soon to be sure I'm ready to go the first year they start this program)............ my Husband is employed with 3 different companies, 1 of which is a City and another is a County, another is a friend's business....which are all very good jobs.  My Mom has just recently asked us to be the property manager for her property, which what she is paying us to do this will more than cover Kyla's monthly tuition for her Preschool (relieves some stress)...her Preschool isn't cheap.

Kids cost A LOT of money, be prepared people.  Oh yeah and kids are A LOT of work....  so glad I had my first when I was 26 and am not just now starting!!!

Since my Husband works so much I pretty much function as a single Mom.  I go nuts from time to time with no help, no breaks, running around town, doing errands, planning events, taking kids to doctor's appointments, etc.  but I'm doing it and I just need to focus on the good more and less on the bad and frustrating.

Oh and I've also applied for a business license and decided to actually pursue doing photography more.  I really do like doing it, it's fun.  I've always been artistic and so when I'm not doing it so much like I have been, I miss it.  I changed my business name, built myself a website and have two different people scheduled for this next month, so we will see....I'm ready to get out of this house more and do something.  Check it out if you want, www.portraitsbyamber.com view it on the web, the mobile version is not that pretty.

Adios!

Few Pics of me With Crazy Kyla

These are my stay at home mom hardly any makeup photos. LOL I hardly ever share photos so I figured I would post a few. 

Two Cutest Turds on the Planet

Sharing snacks, best buds. Love them!!!

Video & Photos

THE VERSE I PLAN TO TATTOO ON MY LEFT INSIDE ARM, RIGHT WHERE KYLA'S ENDS.  I LOVE THIS, JEREMIAH 1:5....SO PERFECT.  I PLAN TO HAVE ASHLEY AT SUPER GENIUS TATTOO IN SEATTLE DO THIS FOR ME SINCE I AM A TATTOO FREE GIRL (AS OF NOW) AND SUPER PICKY.  SHE SEEMS TO DO AMAZING WORK.

 

Recent Trips

We have been back from Seattle Children's visit for a few weeks now.  It went great but was cut short by Miss Emma and her attitude (tiredness).  We did get to spend a few hours at the event and Kyla got to attempt to climb a very tall rock wall.  There were no other kids there that were just like her (left arm below elbow amputation) but there were a lot of kids with prosthetic legs.  It was kinda odd and I was a bit surprised, but it was still good.  There was a police officer (male adult) who came to visit the kids who had an arm amputation and had quite a bit less of his arm than Kyla.  Kyla was pretty surprised by him and was kind of standoffish and rude (I tried to snap that out of her real quickly but she is 3 years old....I think that kinda comes with the age).  Overall the trip was worth it.  We did do a lot of driving, stayed at my Aunt and Uncle's newest built house in Tacoma and drove to Seattle to visit Woodland Park Zoo on Saturday which was a great zoo.  I also had never been to Kerry Park before and really wanted to go.  It was such an amazing view, I wish we could've spent some time there but we had 2 passed out kids in the back.

So I'm sure we will be making the trip to Seattle Children's annual Social an annual thing :)

Life has been so weird lately.  I find myself thinking a lot lately and that's never good.  :P  I bet those of you who have read this blog off and on from the start probably think I'm crazy.  I'm not really, I just analyze my life quite a bit.  So I'm going to try to keep analyzing a little bit more and hopefully figure some things out.  :)  I just think it's funny how everyone has a story and their stories don't always match up... everyone is always at constant stages of their lives and those stages are always changing.  I try to focus on the big picture and not get myself caught up with emotion because in all honesty my emotions don't matter so much, I got two little babies that are my most important.  I think hitting 30 was a bit of an eye opener for me. 

Speaking of those two little babies, this past Thursday I took Kyla to her first appointment at Hanger Prosthetics here in town.  She has asked for a new prosthetic and we are going to get her one.  I will be getting her registered for ballet classes soon and I want her to be able to do all of the arm formations just as everyone else.  I also talked to the guy about getting her a hand so that she can start to learn how to ride a big girl bike or scooter.  Kyla has been wearing her old prosthetic around the house quite a bit.  She likes it, which is a change from what it had been when she was younger.  The guy at Hanger described the prosthetic he will make her and it sounds like it will be so much better and easier and more functional than her infant one.  So that makes me pretty excited.

We spent this past weekend at a friend's cabin in the middle of no where, Hunters, WA.  It was fun to get out of town for a bit.  Kyla was hanging out with our friend's kids walking around shooting grasshoppers with BB guns, it was actually pretty cute, as cute as that can be.

We bought Kyla a trampoline yesterday, her and I have been hanging out on it today and last night.

I'll upload some pics from our Seattle trip and recent happenings.  Take care.

Amber

Update

I haven't done an update in a while...once again.  :)  Too many things going on all the time. 

Emma has turned 1!  I can't believe how fast the time has gone.  We had a rainbow themed party for her.  It was very cute.

Kyla has her first Limb Differences Social at the end of this month at Seattle Children's Hospital.  We are preparing to go now and will be there for a few days to make a mini vacation out of the trip.

I am seriously considering making a move to Tacoma for a bit with the girls.  Tacoma Community College has an Ultrasound program that I would really love to apply to.  It will be extremely difficult to manage everything.  I'm not sure I can pull it off...I mean I know I can but it's going to be SO hard.  Taking care of the kids is a lot of work and then going to school full time, trying to study, etc., will be a lot.  So lots of things to consider but I want to do something with my life... I do enjoy being with my girls but I also feel like I need to secure a future for myself and them.  What is something were to happen to Greg, I wouldn't be able to support the girls and myself by myself...as of right now.  So I don't know, my brain is constantly thinking about what is best.  I did think about just making trips home on weekends to be with the fam but I don't think that's acceptable as a Mom.  I couldn't do it, I would probably be miserable and cry everyday missing my babies.  I would have to take them with.

Anyhow, will post following the Limb Differences Social and give an update on how it went.  I'm sorta nervous but also excited for Kyla, she is excited already, so that is definately good. 

Swimming Lessons

Well we are finished with swimming lessons, finished up this past Wednesday.  Not to be a Debbie Downer but they did not go as good as expected.  For 1, my kid still doesn't know how to swim and 2, my kid almost drown last Monday.  It was scray.  Kyla is just to the point now where she is comfortable enough in the water to drown. 

So to make a long story shorter, Kyla had been practicing with her swim instructor on going under the water to get toys off the bottom of the pool.   Her instructor then put her back by the stairs and left her on the stairs while she practiced swimming at the opposite end of the pool with my Niece.  I was watching Kyla, had Emma sitting on my lap, and my Mom sat in the chair next to me (she or my Dad take my Niece to lessons). 

I noticed Kyla had gone under water and was attempting to get back up to the top.  I watched her try to kick off the bottom of the pool two times to get to the top before I realized she was in big trouble.  I saw that each time she tried to kick up she would kick herself diagonally backwards and only got to about 2" from the top of the water each time.  Her eyes were open under water the whole time and were super big, like she was panicked, which panicked me.  I stood up and ran to her with Emma, knowing that I couldn't sit Emma down around the pool (she just started walking just over a week ago).  I yelled her name, yelled "somebody grab her!" which only got me looks like I was crazy from all 5 instructors who were in the water with her and the kids they were instructing.  Thank God my Mom had ran over with me and reached down to pull Kyla up out of the water.  By the time we got to her she had tried to get to the top another 2 times.  I am so thankful she held her breathe the whole time and did not fill her lungs up with water.  It could've been really horrible if she had.  If I didn't have Emma on my lap, I'm sure I would've jumped in the pool, fully clothed to pull her up.  It was terrifying watching her struggle.

Anyway Kyla's instructor then swam back to where we were and asked "is she OK" I kind of loudly said "NO she is not OK" (like, you should know if she is OK or isn't OK, it's kind of your job...) and then was so upset about the whole thing began to cry.  LOL.  I couldn't help myself, that look on her face was so scary!  Even that night I couldn't sleep well because I kept playing it back in my head, the look on her face, etc.

Anyway the instructor never came to talk to me after this...and I was not in the right mind to talk to her either really....I did look for her but she was no longer by the pool, I'm not sure where she went.  I just wanted to go home and like calm down.  Which we did.  The next day I called and left a message for the owner of the place and I got a phone call back late that night.  We talked for about 20 minutes and he assumed to know exactly what had happened, what went wrong, who messed up, yadda yadda yadda.  Which I was surprised by.

To sum it up, her instructor had left toys on the bottom of the pool right where Kyla was left to wait.  Well naturally a 3 year old who had just been practicing going under the water to grab toys is going to continue to do just that, if toys are left out right below her feet..  So she did and it did not work out well for her. 

The owner offered Kyla 2nd session private lessons with this gal to kind of regain her confidence, etc.  I thought about it, but don't think we are going to take them up on it.  We went to our last lesson the following Wednesday and to be honest, the people who were supposed to be watching from the deck were not watching the entire time like they are supposed to, even after this insident and supposed safety meetings, etc. that the owner told me about.  These are just kids who are very young and to be honest probably don't take their job serious enough.  Swimming lessons are for kids who do not know how to swim, so you cannot take your eye off of them at any point and you cannot turn your back on them, which is what happened in Kyla's scare.  Her instructor just had no idea what was going on, only myself and my Mom saw and thank God we did!! 

Soooo I was pretty bummed her first activity was not real successful.  Luckily my Husband used to be an instructor and lifeguard and he can probably teach her better than these kids can and I know she will be safe!  We have two neighbors close who both have pools and have offered for us to use them, so we will probably work on it more at home soon. 

It is important for Kyla to know how to swim because we have a boat and I want her to be safe out on the water if at any point something goes wrong or we are just hanging out on the beach somewhere.