Thanksgiving 2013

I have a few minutes this morning so figured I'd do an update.  We were out of town last weekend at a friend's cabin in Hunters, WA.  Middle of no where really, it's the 2nd time we have been up there over the past few months.  Our friend, actually he's like my Husband's brother but not has several acres of land and a little cabin he is completely redoing.  We had fun, Greg went out hunting 3 times while we were there so me and the kids just kinda hung out at the cabin with our friend's kids doing camp fire, taking small walks, watching movies, etc.  It was kinda nice to get out of town again.  I'll attach a few photos.  Other than that, not much has been happening.  We are apparently supposed to get a decision this week back from insurance on whether or not they have determined that Kyla's prosthetic is "medically necessary."  Sooo ridiculous.  I'm not sure how much more medically necessary she could be to have one, but whatever we will go along with whatever they decide and if they decide it isn't medically necessary we will just wait until January when we have an appointment at Shriners in Spokane, WA to have them help us get her what she needs.  My Husband is in the process of getting a new job, which is still under wraps but we will see.  I am hoping it will be for the best and be better for our family.  I've been doing quite a bit of photo shoots but recently have none until the end of December, which bums me out a bit because I like doing them, I am sure I'll have more people schedule but for right now that's all I have.  I'm still learning though all of the time, different ways of shooting to give me different effects.  Anyway this week is Thanksgiving and I'm cooking the meal for our family.  It'll be like 5 adults and my two kiddos, not too bad, I can pull it off, have several times before but I've always had my Sister to help cook, not this year, so it's just more stress I'd rather not deal with.  :)  I took a few hours yesterday out of the house to just be by myself.  Sometimes I just have to get away from the kids and out of the house for a bit just to stay sane.  I'm with them by myself almost the entire week except a few hours in the evenings when Greg is home so I need this time every once in a while and I don't take it near enough.  I might do it once every 2 months or so.  Anyhow hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving holiday.  Hopefully next time I post we will HAVE Kyla's prosthetic to take home.

Oceanside Oregon Trip

We are back from a vacation finally! We went to again my favorite place but this time rented a house in Oceanside, Oregon. It was amazing the view was ridiculously beautiful.  It rained a good amount of the time so we were stuck inside quite a bit but that was actually nice. Made for long quiet days. Again like I always say, I will move to Tillamook someday. The valley views there are beautiful a

nd the ocean is like 15 mins away.  Thankfully my Dad feels the same as me and is now looking to buy land and eventually build in Tillamook. Yes!!  I love the farm quiet life there.

Mama Gots a Gun :)

Sooooo after about a year of telling my Husband that I want a gun, I finally got one!  And I've got my concealed carry permit in process.  We went out yesterday afternoon to shoot it and to teach me how to actually shoot on target.  My Dad was a little upset at first that I got a .22LR and not something bigger, but I've shot my Husband's other guns before and they all have so much recoil that I do not enjoy shooting them and never really learned how to hit on target.  So my Husband figured this was a good gun for me to start with.  I ended up purchasing a Ruger LCR .22LR.  And it's even in my name.  LOL, I didn't let my Husband buy it, I wanted to be able to say "It's my gun :)"  So I did the whole wait a week to pick up and all, which was fine.  We took it out yesterday and my first time picking it up I hit a 9" plate with all 8 rounds, first try.  And I actually learned how to aim at my target and make good hits.  I did this several times and then my Husband made me shoot his Glock .40 which I never have liked....I didn't want to, but I did because he wants me to be able to shoot all of the guns that are kept inside our house, so I aimed just like I did with my .22 and made head or chest hits pretty much everytime, and the kick on the Glock really wasn't so terrible.....I actually kinda like it.  Then we moved onto the shot gun, which also scared me, but I have always known if I had to use it, I could and would.....  I gotta protect my babies, so I made him shoot first a few times and then did it myself...and it really wasn't too bad either and I was also able to make the same head and chest shots like I had done with the other guns. 

Here are a few pics of me shooting yesterday.  You can see how tense I am shooting the Glock .40....LOL I needed to relax just a bit, but that gun makes me nervous a little. 

I decided I wanted a gun and my concealed carry permit because I am alone with the girls a lot and I don't feel safe out in public with them and no way to protect them, there's too many weirdos.  There are also quite a bit of strange people in our neighborhood and I've had a few instances where people have come by our house and I've either called the cops on them, or had neighbors who have had problems with people, etc.  The other day I took the girls to the park down the street and it was just us 3 there, no one else was at the park and some dude walks by and just stares at us, no smile, just a not friendly stare while walking by and like a long long stare...  Ughhh hello, if he decided to do something, I would be there with two young kids and myself, no one else around and we would pretty much be helpless, so this is why I have decided to do this.  Now I just need to find holsters!  That seems to be the tricky part for a girl.  But I'm excited I can finally defend my children by myself if need be. 

This is how I have to steal my kisses

This little turd will very rarely willingly kiss me, so I have to resort to this....holding her down and smothering her with kisses.  I blame it on us putting her in daycare when she was little ;) Miss Emma usually lets me kiss on her as much as I want, which is a lot!!

   i get beatup, but it's worth it ;)

Old Pictures

I found some photos the other day of when Kyla was a flower girl in her aunt and uncles wedding two years ago. She was, and is so beautiful. I like these pics cause she is really showing off her armie in them :) I walked her down the aisle because she was too little to walk by herself.

Doctor's, and More Doctors.

Took the girl's to the doctor earlier today.  Left pretty upset....  totally got unexpected questions from the doctor as to what everyday needs can't Kyla do that justify her prosthetic.  I gave the doctor about five different examples but she kept pressing for more, so I explained to her about her bike and her scooter and ballet.  Those things aren't "necessary" according to the doctor.  I said, well as far as I'm concerned they are, because they allow her to function just as any other little girl her age does.  It was just out of no where unexpected....her doctor is usually so nice but was really pretty rude how she treated us today.  I was pissed and she could tell I think...I was almost to the point where I grabbed the girls and walked out, but I didn't.  I explained to the doctor, I've never really been around other 4 year old children, I don't know what things she should be able to do at the age of 4 that she can't do.  Kyla still needs help putting her clothes on, and apparently at 4, kids should be able to do that, according to the doctor.  When I told her this, she didn't look at me but shook her head at me....  well sorry lady but it's the truth, I've never really been around kids, except for 1 niece and she isn't 4.  LOL.....so I left there a little upset but then also sad....I find that the only time I cry, ever, is when is comes to Kyla and the difficulties that we have to go thru with her doctor's/insurance/kids not being so nice.  It is surely difficult parenting a child with differences, especially when that child isn't treated (by doctors/etc.) like she is different, when clearly she is.  I called my Husband on the way home and I just explained to him I don't understand why this prosthetic thing is so difficult when it really shouldn't be!  I think it's a combo of everyone who shouldn't receive benefits receiving them and people abusing the system that really have no right to be abusing.  I just find it shocking that we are even having to "fight" for this.  And like I explained to my Husband, it's difficult because I am always the one who sees this, since my Husband works so much he doesn't see the random kids in the hallway at preschool stop and yell "look, she doesn't have an arm!"  (we had this same thing happen twice in one day while doing drop off/pick ups at preschool last week) and he doesn't see the interactions that I deal with as far as doctors and insurance companies.  Ugh, it is hard..... but I do realize that we are lucky in that we do have it fairly easy, things could be a whole lot worse. 


Anyhow, Kyla has been loving school.  I just went thru my cell phone and deleted probably 50 pictures that she had taken her self, of random things, like the floor, her shoes, the walls, Emma, me, her Dad....  lol, she's into pictures lately.  And she makes you say cheese every time she takes a picture of you.  I'll attach a few she has taken. 

I've been doing more photography lately, I had a senior 2 weekends ago that turned out awesome, she is super pretty and her pictures just turned out really well....then I had a sibling shoot on Saturday that I was nervous for...I've never shot boys, so as far as posing, it was new to me, and there were 3 of them, including 2 teenage boys...yikes....they were not really into the whole taking pictures thing :)  and a younger boy and younger girl.  They turned out good but I wish I could've shot later in the day due to the bright lighting...but we had a schedule conflict.  Then Sunday I was supposed to shoot a child that is also a friend of ours but we had to reschedule due to rain.  It has been fun.  I've had some random people contact me and also a lady asking  me to do a booth at an event thing that is going on - I declined that...I'm definitely not ready for something like that.  But maybe someday. 

Anyhow here is Kyla's photography work for your enjoyment :)

Yes, she makes me turn around and say cheese while driving (I'll do it sometimes...).

4 Years

Kyla Rae turned 4 years old September 5th!  Can't believe it has already been 4 years.  I remember her being born like it was yesterday.  Not being able to sleep the night before my c-section, the drive to the hospital with my Hubs where I told him specifically that "I feel like something's not going to be right with her" (thank you God for giving me the motherly intuition to know that we were going to have a special girl before we even got her...amazing), being so nervous before the c-section that I had to have our delivery nurse fill out my paperwork for me.  LOL why in the world do they hand women like 12 pages worth of paperwork to fill out right before they are going to have a baby cut out of them?!?  I also remember the lady who came while we were waiting for the c-section, she came to draw my blood to test if I was anemic and she was deaf!  LOL and we didn't know she was deaf.  hahaha.  So I'm sitting there trying to make small talk with the lady while she is drawing my blood just kinda to relax a bit, because I am not a huge fan of having my blood drawn and she wouldn't respond to me.  Hahahaha so I remember trying to get her to talk a few times before I finally looked over at my Husband, like "what the heck...what is wrong with this lady."  After she left we asked the other nurses what was up with that lady and they told us she was deaf...oh thanks for the FYI.  Another very special thing about Kyla that I have talked about before, but it's been years; she was born 9/5/09 at 9:59 am.  Makes it very easy to remember...  And because I'm weird, I think that's another little sign from God, that yes I gave you this special little girl and made her special on purpose!!! 

We had Kyla's birthday party the previous weekend at a splash & play park here in town and it was a lot of fun.  Between Greg and I's family and friends there is about 30 of us, so it's always a large gathering.  Kyla had school on her birthday and took cupcakes to share with her friends.  She got a scooter and big girl bicycle with training wheels, both of which she has learned to ride well and very quickly.  We went out to dinner at Red Robin the evening of her birthday, which has become a tradition for her.  She told us she wanted them to sing to her which they did and as soon as they started she got shy and snuggled up real close to me.  :) 

Something that I wanted to mention.....I took Kyla and Emma to the park on Monday, which we do go to the park from time to time but not a ton.  The reason being is because it is always SO awkward.  Kids just stop playing and either surround her and stare, or get away from her and stare and don't play.  Kyla doesn't really even notice - she just plays but the kids, myself and their parents certainly notice.  It's kind of ridiculous but usually I drive around some to try to find a park that doesn't have a bunch of kids already at it.  Isn't that dumb?  I know it is but it really sucks having my kid be stared at like she is an alien or something; not only by the kids but also their parents.  Sometimes it just blows my mind how rude people are.

I mean, I grew up going to a school that had a special area for kids that were special needs.  Granted most of these kids had Down Syndrome, mental retardation, Tourettes, etc. more of what you think of when you think of "special needs."  But we did have a girl there who was born with only a portion of all 4 limbs...and she had like maybe 1 or two fingers.  She got around on a motorized wheelchair... and besides her limb differences she was completely normal.  I remember the way she was treated and I don't ever remember people treating her badly or like she was a freak or something......I don't really get that....Monday when we were at the park I just sit back and watch to make sure Kyla isn't being treated badly, because if she is, I start yelling at some kids.  LOL.  Like I will put up with some of it, but there comes a point where kids need to be told to just leave her alone and I have no problem doing that, regardless if their parents hear me or not.  I don't remember if I have written about this before or not >>> if I have, forgive me.  Anyway on Monday there was a Russian or Bosnia, (or they were something) family that showed up to the park and they were nice enough and didn't say anything but the looks weren't great.  The kids really didn't play at all and eventually left the park, but literally I feel like now I know what it was like to be like African American several years ago before people's ideas changed about skin color.  These Russian/Bosnian kids were talking to Emma and saying hi to her and "you're so cute" but none of them said a word to Kyla.  LOL.  I didn't say anything.  So because one of my kids has two hands she is cute, and the other who has 1 hand isn't cute?  Makes sense.  This park that we were at is close to our house and usually has 1 or 2 people there and that's it, so it's kind of our "go-to" park.

I find people's reaction to something so not a big deal really surprising....  I mean nobody chooses the children they will have...we just get what we get....it's not like I had a choice 'oh yes please, make my child with half an arm.'  Doesn't work like that.  Never in a million years did I ever think I would have a "special needs" child.  No one ever thinks that.  It just happens and as a loving parent you have to be willing to embrace that your child is the way they are.  I just don't get why it's such a big deal to some people.  Granted, I would say to most people, it's not a big deal, thank goodness for that.  

I almost forgot we had another appt with Brock at Hanger Prosthetics last week and Kyla's prosthetic is coming along so well.  It is going to be really exciting when we actually get to take it home.  This guy is good at what he does, pretty resourceful and tailoring it specifically to her needs to make it as comfortable and useful for her as possible.  We went to pick out fabrics for it last week and Kyla of course picked out the fabric she liked and I picked the fabric I liked.  Kyla's fabric will probably win.
 

Kyla Goes Back to Preschool

Kyla is now in the 4 year old class at preschool. We went to meet her teachers and get familiar with her classroom yesterday and today was her first day of school. She did awesome, she is fairly outgoing and not shy, which I love. I hope she stays that way. Here are a few quick pics I snapped while holding baby so they weren't the best :)

Lighten Up

So the past few weeks have been stressful and difficult.  But I'm thinking today that I really need to lighten up on myself, like a lot. 

My family is the majority of my stressors, unfortunately there is no way to avoid your family.  Unless I disappered or something, which I'm not going to do.  My Mom is about to move to Colorado and she is the only person who helps me out with the kids....so I think that's really bothering me even though I don't really let it show.  And when I say she helps with my kids, she does but only on rare occasions.

I was thinking about this the other day, Kyla is 4 in a week or so and in those 4 years, I've only ever been away from my kids for 5 nights and 2 of those I was in the hospital GIVING BIRTH to one of them.  Holy moly!  Can't a girl get a little help around here?  Apparently no.  Now that my Mom is moving I'm going to have to find someone to hire to help me for doctor's appointments and it would be really awesome if I could find someone I trusted to watch the kids so that my Husband and I could actually go out everyonce in a while and have a date!

I also heard from Hanger Prosthetics earlier this week that after being told that Kyla's prosthetic was going to be covered at 100% it is only covered at 80% so our out of pocket is approximately $1600.  I was pissed and really sad at the same time.  It blows my mind that all these people who don't really need benefits get benefits and Kyla who was born with 1/2 an arm doesn't get anything.  Makes sense right...and this $1600 prosthetic will only last a few years till she grows out of it.  Perfect.  But then lastnight I got a phone call from the prosthetist at almost 7 PM and he was saying that he doesn't want me to give up that there are lots of options for her to help pay for it, etc.  He's a pretty cool guy and like 5 minutes from our house, we don't have to travel!!  He seems to really care about my kid which is awesome. 

I spent 4 hours this morning watching a friend's kid in addition to my own 2 so I'm beat. 

I need to stop being so negative and focus on the good....  I'm 30, I've got two beautiful children, I've got a good, hard working Husband, we are coming up on our 7 year wedding anniversary in just a few weeks, I've got 12 years work experience with the Department of Energy, I've got an Associate's Degree and about a year away from a Bachelor's degree (that I don't plan to ever finish :)), we own 3 residences, two of which are rentals, 1 is our residence (which is large enough for our family and pretty nice), we have almost no debt (besides our homes and one credit card), CBC just posted on their website they are considering starting a Bachlor's in Diagnostic Ultrasound in 2015 (I'm there if they do...going to schedule an appt with counselor soon to be sure I'm ready to go the first year they start this program)............ my Husband is employed with 3 different companies, 1 of which is a City and another is a County, another is a friend's business....which are all very good jobs.  My Mom has just recently asked us to be the property manager for her property, which what she is paying us to do this will more than cover Kyla's monthly tuition for her Preschool (relieves some stress)...her Preschool isn't cheap.

Kids cost A LOT of money, be prepared people.  Oh yeah and kids are A LOT of work....  so glad I had my first when I was 26 and am not just now starting!!!

Since my Husband works so much I pretty much function as a single Mom.  I go nuts from time to time with no help, no breaks, running around town, doing errands, planning events, taking kids to doctor's appointments, etc.  but I'm doing it and I just need to focus on the good more and less on the bad and frustrating.

Oh and I've also applied for a business license and decided to actually pursue doing photography more.  I really do like doing it, it's fun.  I've always been artistic and so when I'm not doing it so much like I have been, I miss it.  I changed my business name, built myself a website and have two different people scheduled for this next month, so we will see....I'm ready to get out of this house more and do something.  Check it out if you want, www.portraitsbyamber.com view it on the web, the mobile version is not that pretty.

Adios!

Few Pics of me With Crazy Kyla

These are my stay at home mom hardly any makeup photos. LOL I hardly ever share photos so I figured I would post a few.