What is Meant to Be Will Be

I've been brainstroming this post for the past few weeks...  today's topic is on the things I did and did not do during my pregnancy.  There is one thing I did not do during my pregnancy that I hold some guilt for.  Although I'm not positive this contributed to Kyla's ABS, I don't think it helped any.

Kyla was not planned, but once I became pregnant, I knew that I was and put off buying a pregnancy test until I was at about 6 weeks a long.  As soon as I found out, I was very careful about what I put on and and into my body.  I didn't use aerosol hair products, only pump sprays, I did not wear nail polish or use nail polish remover, I did not dye my hair, I stopped using aluminum filled deodorant and switched to a natural product, I ate healthy and ate small portions of food on a frequent basis (which they say is good for baby because it provides them with a steady flow of nutrients to help them develop).  Although I was very sick my first trimester, I craved fruit and it was about the only thing I could hold down for a long while.  I remember making a trip to the grocery store one morning and buying tons of fruit, driving home and eating as much of it as I could, because I was so hungry, but couldn't eat anything else.  One evening I finally got tired of being so hungry, told the Husband we were going to IHOP, ordered a huge plate of breakfast type food and ended up hugging the toliet as soon as we got home.  LOL, the sickness was pretty miserable, but then again, the majority of the pregnancy was (minus the 2nd trimester).  After my first trimester the sickness stopped and my diet changed to less fruits and more of a balanced diet.  Back then I did not take a multi-vitamin because I hate pills, but I knew I needed them, so I tried prenatal vitamins but they made me very sick to my stomach, so I tried just half, and even tried just regular multi-vitamins.  Every vitamin pill I tried didn't set well with my stomach, so I was not good about taking them...  my first OB doctor didn't ask me if I was taking them either, so I figured as long as I was eating well, it probably wasn't too big of a deal.  Well truth is, it probably was.  Although I do wonder if by me doing this, I was the cause of Kyla's condition, but I am not convinced this is the case.  I even went as far as to research for countless hours about a Rh factor blood injection I had to get in my butt while I was pregnant with Kyla because my Husband and I's blood didn't agree with one another.  There was something about this shot that would make sure that Kyla was OK while I was carrying her and once she was born.  Since I'm kind of a freak about any kind of medicine (I make sure I know what I'm taking before taking it, etc.), I read up on the shot a lot before taking it and found that the injection typically given to pregnant women contains trace amounts of mercury.  It's not proven, but they say that Mercury is linked to Autism.......so I spent a TON of time finding a company that made an Rh factor shot that contained absolutely NO Mercury. I called hospital pharmacies, I called regular pharmacies and companies that manufacture the shot.  Since I live in a fairly small town I was told over and over that I should "just take the regular shot, there was nothing wrong with it, women get it all the time."  I didn't settle for that and eventually found a pharmacy that would order me the shot I wanted!!  Cost me $100.00 out-of-pocket, but I didn't care.  The shot is made of actual blood (although it's not colored) so I had to take it straight home from the pharmacy, and put it in my fridge and, straight to the doctors office where they injected me with it there.  A huge pain, but I felt like it wasn't worth the risk to inject myself with Mercury while carrying my child.  Moral of the story is, although I was very careful with what I was and wasn't doing (minus the vitamins, which was a big mistake and I won't do that again if I get pregnant in the future)...you can't control what does and does not happen.  You can try your best to do most everything right, but what is meant to be will be and what is not meant to be won't.