My Thoughts on Marriage

This topic is something that I’ve wanted to discuss off and on over the past year or so.  Me being me, I have lots of thoughts that go through my head and I’m always thinking, always constantly analyzing things and possible reasons for why things happen and the steps that lead to them.  My goal before getting pregnant was to get my Masters Degree and become a Licensed Mental Health Counselor.  At the end of my first trimester I was so tired with working FT and being a wife and pregnant, sick and tired, that I decided to take a break.  That break is still on-going mainly due to the fact that in between the start of this break and me wanting to get back into school, I found out that my work stopped reimbursing for Psychology courses; but this is a field that really interests me and I have a want to learn more and help others.  We’ll see where this leads, but for now, my main job is being a Mom.  In a few years that may change and open back up to being a main priority of mine, but we will see. 

My Husband and I have recently gone through some rocky times….this is not something that I’m embarrassed to admit!  I am a pretty truthful person and I know that every relationship has its ups and downs, especially once children are put into the picture…things get harder, focuses adjust and priorities change.  Some couples try desperately to hide their issues, while others don’t care if other people know…hidden or not, it still happens.  Almost every single married couple I know has gone through the same issues as us, it’s just some try their best to seem perfect to on-lookers.  I’m not one to try to hide what is happening, or be fake and act like everything is perfect when in reality it’s not.  I might not always make the right decisions, or react to things in the best way, but then none of us really do during times of trouble.

After discussing stuff with my Dad, and my Husband and I talking to his Dad and Step-Mom and me talking to a co-worker, these are my thoughts on marriage:  (part of the reason why I am writing this and posting it here is so that I can go back and re-read it in the future…) A successful marriage does not come easy.  It requires constant work and two people who hold tight to the commitment that they made to each other.  It is not always fun or exciting; every relationship loses that initial feeling of the excitement of communicating with that person and the butterflies that come along with falling in love.  In October my Husband and I will have been married for 5 years.  Not super long, but long enough to know what marriage consists of.  We have been together since 2004; so 7 years.  The awesome thing about marriage is although you might have difficult moments with that person, you also have a best friend and someone who you know will always be there for you.  A co-worker of mine once told me that her son’s wife had left him and left her two children that she had from a previous relationship.  This lady all of a sudden up and moved to a different state all while the Husband wasn’t sure where she was or what had happened.  The gal eventually talked to my co-worker who has been married for I don’t know, close to 40 years or something and said that she wished she could have as good of marriage as they did.  This gal told her that marriage is not easy and it took a lot of work on both their parts to get to where they were.  I honestly believe that this is the major reason why there is so much divorce in this world today.  I come from a divorced family, as does my Husband.  I think the last time I heard the divorce rate in this country was over 50%.  I believe a lot of people are sometimes selfish and once this initial honeymoon stage dissipates, they think that their marriage has failed, that they married the wrong person, and they might as well end it.  They are no longer getting butterflies, day to day activities are boring/routine and mundane and there is no longer any excitement.  “Might as well end it all,” even if there are children in the picture.  This is wrong….. 

In talking to my Dad, he compared the recent troubles my Husband and I have been going through to Adam and Eve and the temptation of the forbidden fruit.  Quoting another co-worker, “the Devil makes sin look innocent, beautiful, justified.  He is deceitful and treacherous.  Sin is pleasurable for a season, in the end it leads to death.”  Looking back, no one ever really told me how hard marriage was going to be, before I got married.  My Husband and I got married out of town on the beach by someone who did not require marriage counseling.  I think there is a lot to be said about marriage counseling, done through a church.  Looking back, it is definitely something we should’ve done.  Someone would’ve told us how hard it was going to be and how it would require a lifetime of constant work in order to be successful.  I wish I could remember the exact way my Dad puts this, but I can’t, but I will try my best…he has told me this on several occasions; “every relationship is going to have the same issues and same problems.  If you think things are going to be greener on the other side, you’re wrong… you’re just getting yourself a different face to look at,” (something like this, but of course he explained it much better, lol J).  My Mom has been married 3 times and is now divorced from her third marriage, so she has never really had anything to suggest regarding marriage and even if she did, I would most likely take it with a grain of salt (or whatever that saying is...).  My Dad has only been married once and has rarely dated since; he’s pretty much been single for 18 something years….but he is a good Christian man who sort of knows what he is talking about…he is definitely someone I can go to for advice/guidance and words really cannot describe how much respect I have for my Dad; he pretty much raised us once my Mom left etc., so whatever he has to say, I listen.  Although my Dad has always been very involved in my Sister and I’s life, he was also kind of hands off…he let us date and make our own mistakes, he offered up words of advice but never pushed anything on us or told us what to do.  I remember my Dad’s only words of advice to me before getting married, which were while driving home from getting my Dad his tux for our wedding when he asked me “now you’re sure you want to do this?”  I said “yes, I’m sure…I know Greg will be a good Husband and a great Father.”  And he has been, but sometimes people get tripped up along the way, including myself, sometimes the Devil squirms his way in between a couple and attempts to break them up by throwing in temptations.  As a co-worker also stated, my Husband is a good looking guy and I’m not a horrible looking person either….we are probably more vulnerable to predators.  And the word predator’s is not a joke, or me trying to be funny, it is the truth.  A lot of people out there have no respect for marriage (including myself, I have made this mistake before and am not proud of it) and have no respect for families.  They are thinking about themselves and what they can take and the adventure and excitement of winning that forbidden fruit.  Not good. 

So those are my thoughts/ideas on marriage.  Hard work, but worth it… you have to stay committed to each other and remember what you both have worked so hard to create, and be willing to do whatever it takes to protect that sacred relationship. 

Anyone have thoughts/ideas to add?